This weekend our society celebrates “Mother’s
Day,” a time to recognize the love, sacrifice, and dedication that mothers make
on behalf of their children and families.
Many people look forward to Mother’s Day—or, Father’s Day in June—as a
joyful time to celebrate and thank their mother, or father.
Yet often, in our
drive to recognize our parents, we praise them to the point of putting them up
on some impossibly high pedestal. On
Mother’s Day, we develop some sort of amnesia that allows us to totally ignore
our parents’ human frailties and flaws.
At least for the day, our mothers become perfect in every way. To illustrate this point, consider the
following verses from a poem, which I found on the internet:
“Since
the moment I entered this world,
You
have cared for me like no other.
There
is only one word to describe you,
That
is in every way a perfect Mother. …
Your
warm touch is one of a kind,
So
gentle to send me to sleep.
Your
voice is of an angels [sic]
A
beauty only you deserve to keep.”[i]
When most mothers and fathers are completely candid with themselves,
however, we must acknowledge that we are far from the perfect parent described
in these verses or other, similar verses in a thousand different Mother’s—and
Father’s—Day cards. The truth is that
most of us parents feel inadequate and mistake-prone most of the time.
There is a great deal of uncertainty and silent anxiety in parenting in
the twenty-first century. As parents, we
are constantly trying to balance giving our children both the freedom and the
structure which they need in order to become happy and mature adults. As Christian parents, we are constantly
trying to balance the sharing of our Christian values while also respecting our
children’s need to experiment with values promoted by a secular society, which
is sometimes hostile to religious faith.
As parents we are constantly trying to balance protecting our children
and keeping them safe, while simultaneously allowing them to experience some
failure, which is required in order to become responsible adults.
There are no magical formulas for this balance. Instead, it is an ongoing series of decisions
made in a fog of uncertainty and worry. Frequently,
we parents get it wrong. We tilt too far
to the side of freedom and then over-compensate by tilting too far to the other
side of structure.
Our failures at maintaining proper balance are compounded by our
multiple human flaws and failures.
Sometimes we get angry and say things to our children that we should
have never uttered. Sometimes we get
preoccupied with work or finances or life and we aren’t really listening when
our children are sharing something vitally important to them. Sometimes we just forget or do something else
that is … well, human. We parents are
not perfect, just human persons. Most of
us are trying to do our best as parents.
Actually, the parents which scare me the most are those parents who
actually believe everything that gets written on Mother’s—and Father’s—Day cards. The ones who actually believe that they
deserve to be on the pedestal.
In the Church, we believe that God creates every single person for some
form of ministry. Each of us is a unique
person, with our own special portfolio of talents and gifts for different types
of ministry. These different ministries
are quite diverse, including music, teaching, justice-making, hospitality,
administration, and building—to name just a few. Some types of ministry are specialized, while
other types are generalized ministries that all of us are called to practice. (See
Romans 12 and 1 Corinthians 12). The ministry of prayer is one of those types of
generalized ministry that we are all called to practice.
I have come to see that parenting is also a form of ministry.
I believe that parenting is one of those forms of generalized ministry. It is not a specialized ministry reserved
only for biological parents. Instead, we
are all called to be engaged in the ministry of parenting because it is that
important and that demanding. No two
biological parents can ever responsibly raise their children without a lot of
help from family, friends, teachers, choir directors, coaches, Scout or 4-H Leaders,
counselors, the occasional stranger—and many, many others. One of the most important dimensions of the
local church is that it provides a community of persons who are engaged in the
ministry of parenting.
Of course, everyone engaged in the ministry of parenting is flawed and makes
mistakes. That’s why I love Paul’s
analogy of a clay jar in his second letter to the Corinthians. He writes, “But we have this treasure in clay
jars, so that it may be made clear that this extraordinary power belongs to God
and does not come from us. We are afflicted
in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair;
persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed…” (2 Corinthians
4:7-9)
Of course, when Paul penned these words to the Corinthians, he was
thinking about his own special ministry as a traveling evangelist. Even though Paul has been given this special
ministry as an evangelist and Apostle, he recognizes that ultimately the
ministry belongs to God. God has given
this special ministry to Paul for a short time.
As he writes these words, Paul is remembering all of the persecution
and dangers that he has experienced as a missionary. Yet, the Bible is timeless, intended to speak
to all peoples in all times and places—from the first Christians in Paul’s day
to twenty-first century Christians on our day.
So, Paul’s words also apply to each of us in our various ministries as
parents. Even though we are flawed and
make mistakes as parents, we are not alone in our ministry. God is with us, guiding and strengthening us,
and working through us in our ministry of parenting.
Just as the Apostle Paul before us, God has given to each of us this
ministry of parenting for a short time.
But, ultimately, the ministry belongs to God and not to us. Of course we are flawed and make mistakes, but
despite our frailties and imperfections we know that ultimately God will make
all things right.
Come, join us this weekend (May 10th and 11th), as we recognize our
Mothers and as we celebrate this special ministry of parenting, which God gives
to each of us. Our church is
located at the corner of Main and Dawson Streets in Meriden, Kansas. We have two worship services each weekend:
Ø Our
contemporary service starts at 6 pm on Saturday evenings.
Ø Our
classic service starts on at 10 am on Sunday mornings.
Everyone is welcome and accepted because God loves us all.
[i]
Nicola Steel, “A Perfect Mother,” accessed online at http://www.ellenbailey.com/poems/ellen_435.htm,
9 May 2014.
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