Friday, May 10, 2013

Memories of My Mother


            I must confess that as a Pastor, I dread preaching on Mother’s Day.  Don’t get me wrong:  it is important to set aside a day to remember our mothers and the countless sacrifices that many of them make for their children.  Yet, at the same time, when our society celebrates Mother’s Day we tend to glorify the virtues of motherhood and place all mothers high up on a lofty pedestal.  The difficulty with preaching on Mother’s Day is that not everyone experienced a saintly mother, growing up.  At the extreme, consider mothers such as Andrea Yates, who confessed to drowning her five children in the bathtub in 2001.  In addition, there are always women in any congregation who have never been mothers—or, who have lost children. 

This spring, Amy Young posted an open letter to clergy on her blog, The Messy Middle.  In her open letter, she discussed how hard it is for some women to attend Worship on Mother’s Day and how well-meaning, but clueless, pastors make the day even more difficult by the thoughtless things we say and do in our attempt to honor and recognize mothers.  Here’s a link to her post:  http://www.messymiddle.com/2012/05/10/an-open-letter-to-pastors-a-non-mom-speaks-about-mothers-day/.  Ms. Young’s blog post went viral, with over 36,000 views and almost 1,000 comments.  So, she posted a follow-up blog on what she had learned from all the comments, http://www.messymiddle.com/2012/05/28/another-open-letters-to-pastors-lessons-from-the-comments-section/.

Against this backdrop, I should also observe that this coming Sunday will be the first Mother’s Day, since my own mother died just after the 2012 Memorial Day.  So, even before I read Ms. Young’s blog, I had already decided that this year I would preach perhaps a bit more personally—by focusing more on what I learned about being a Christian from my mother.  (I wrote about grieving my mother’s death in my Pastor’s Column for the March church newsletter at Meriden UMC where I pastor, but this is the first time that I’ve really focused on personal memories of my mother.) 

My text this Sunday is Luke 10: 38-42.  This passage tells the story of Jesus visiting the home of Martha and her sister, Mary.  While Jesus settles in their home and begins teaching, Martha busies herself with being “the hostess with the mostest.”  Luke explains that Martha “was distracted by many things.”  By contrast, her sister, Mary, sits down at Jesus’ feet and listens intently to his words.  Martha becomes exasperated with Mary and asks Jesus to rebuke her for not doing her share of the chores.  At this point, the first-time reader expects Jesus to condemn Mary.  However, to the surprise of Martha and the first-time reader, Jesus actually exonerates Mary and compliments her for listening to his teachings.

In their interpretation of this passage, Biblical scholars point out that by sitting at Jesus’ feet and listening to his teachings, Mary is rebelling against the social mores of the Jewish culture.  At the time of Jesus’ ministry, women were completely marginalized within the culture.  As one interpreter explains, “Mary is acting like a male.  She neglects her duty to assist her sister in the preparation of the meal, and by violating a clear social boundary she is bringing shame upon her house.”[1]  By contrast, Martha is adhering to the social customs of the day by focusing on the details of being a great hostess.

So, the story of Martha-versus-Mary presents two models of what it means to be the ideal woman.  On the one hand, it’s Martha, the domestic servant.  On the other hand, it’s Mary, the curious and engaged Christian disciple.  Jesus is very clear that God prefers Mary as the ideal model of what it means to flourish as a woman.  Unfortunately, this dichotomy has not changed all that much over the past 2000 years.  Sociologists tell us that today women do considerably more domestic work than men, and this is true even in dual-career households where both the husband and wife have full-time jobs outside the home.  WebMD claims that “men reported performing 32% of total housework and women reported 74%.[2]  And, a study done at the University of Michigan found that having a husband creates an additional 7 hours of extra household work per week for wives.[3]

For my mother, the Martha-versus-Mary choice would be a false dichotomy.  My mother was a high school Home Economics teacher.  So, it was important for her to have a clean, well maintained household, with plenty of excellent, nutritious food.  At the same time, my mother’s Christian faith was very important, as well.  Consequently, it was important for her to attend church and maintain a strong personal, devotional life.  It was also essential that she teach her faith to her children.  So, for Mom, it was more a matter of Martha-and-Mary, a both/and, rather than an either/or.

When I was a child, my mother struggled with cataracts and some other illnesses.  It became necessary for my two siblings and I—along with my father—to take on much of the domestic work.  We learned to cook, wash dishes, clean the house, and do our own laundry.  My mother continued to teach her faith to us, maintain her own, active devotional life, and attend church activities regularly.  So, my most vivid memories of time with my mom involve doing household chores, having a devotional life, and attending various church activities. 

In reflecting back on these memories, I believe my mother’s intuition about Martha-and-Mary is correct.  You see, women should not have to choose between being a Martha or a Mary.  Instead, women should be able to choose being both Martha and Mary, at the same time.  But, in order to choose both Martha and Mary, women need the support of their family—and, their community of faith. 

This is what I learned from my mom.  Of course, it’s not just mothers who need the support of their families and their communities of faith; all of us who strive to be faithful disciples need support.  And, regardless of whether or not we are mothers; regardless of whether we have good or bad memories of our own mothers; regardless of all the other factors that make each of us unique; we all share this in common:  We can support others in our community of faith to be both Martha’s and Mary’s; to serve the world and also grow spiritually closer to God.


If you live in the Meriden-area and do not have a regular church home, please consider attending Meriden United Methodist Church this Sunday.  Meriden UMC is located at the corner of Dawson and Main.  Our worship service starts on Sundays at 10 am.  Everyone is welcome and accepted because God loves us all.

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