Saturday, September 17, 2016

"Forgiveness and Self-Compassion"


            For the past month, we have been exploring self-compassion in a series of proclamations, entitled “Self-Compassion, An Overlooked Christian Virtue.”  This Sunday. September 18th, we conclude this series with an examination of the relationship between self-compassion and forgiveness. 

            In her important book, Self-Compassion, The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself,[1] Dr. Kristin Neff begins by observing that most of us constantly subject ourselves to some of the harshest self-criticism.  She writes,

Most of our self-critical thoughts take the form of an inner dialogue, a constant commentary and evaluation of what we are experiencing.  Because there is no social censure when our inner dialogue is harsh or callous, we often talk to ourselves in an especially brutal way.  ‘You’re so fat and disgusting!’  ‘That was a totally stupid thing to say.’  ‘You’re such a loser.  No wonder nobody wants you.’[2]

In my own pastoral ministry, counselling many different parishioners, I have seen Dr. Neff’s observation repeated again and again.  While there are some notable exceptions, most of us are harshly critical of ourselves.  Yet, as I have suggested throughout this series, these patterns of harsh self-criticism are antithetical to the Christian understanding of God and God’s intention for humanity.

From a Christian perspective, God loves all of Creation—both human and non-human.  Further, since humans are created in God’s image, we are given a special privilege and responsibility to care for all of Creation as God’s specially chosen stewards.  From the moment of our birth, God seeks to enter into a special, loving, intimate relationship with us. 

God seeks us out and encourages us to enter into this special Divine relationship through our Christian faith.  God’s love for us is awesome and beyond our comprehension.  Because of this Divine love, we know that God intends for us to practice self-compassion and learn to love ourselves.  Thus, I have argued that self-compassion is a very important Christian virtue and pivotal for faithful discipleship.   

Later in her book, Kristin Neff delineates three core components of self-compassion:  (1) Self-Kindness; (2) Recognizing that Failure and Disappointments are part of the Human Condition; and (3) Mindfulness.[3]  Very little attention is devoted to forgiveness in Self-Compassion, The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.  I think this omission is a significant flaw in the book.  In fact, I would argue that forgiveness should actually be a fourth core component of self-compassion.

So, to conclude my series on “Self-Compassion, An Overlooked Christian Value,” I will examine the critical importance of forgiveness—both of self and of others.  Our foundational text for the service will be part of Luke’s account of Christ’s crucifixion (Luke 23:  32-38).  In the Third Gospel, Jesus is taunted by three separate groups of people:  (1) The Jewish leaders who scoff at him, saying “He saved others; let him save himself if he is the Messiah of God, his chosen one!” (2) The Roman soldiers who mocked Christ with the words, “If you are the King of the Jews, save yourself!” (3) Later, one of the criminals being executed at the same time “derided” Jesus, “Are you not the Messiah?  Save yourself and us!” (Luke 23: 39)

Further, Jesus suffers the indignity of having the Roman soldiers gamble under the cross for his clothes, as he hangs and suffers above them.  In a sick prank, the soldiers also offer Jesus sour wine to drink as he endures the excruciating pain of crucifixion, while his life all too slowly slips away.

Despite the indignities, the humiliations, and the agony of the trial and cross, Jesus says something remarkable and completely unexpected.  Christ forgives his executors and tormentors.  He prays, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23: 34a).  Imagine that.  Jesus actually forgives his executors as they make fun of him and gamble for his clothes.
Jesus’ model of forgiveness is repeated by Stephen, the first Christian martyr, as recounted in Luke’s sequel, The Book of Acts.  As Stephen is stoned to death for his Christian faith, he kneels down and prays, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them” (Acts 7:60). 
History records that other Christian martyrs also forgave their executioners, just before death took them.  Similarly, I will argue that all of Christ's followers are called to forgive those who wrong or harm us.

In my proclamation this weekend, I will also argue that before we can truly forgive others out of Christian love, we must first learn to forgive ourselves out of self-compassion.

If you live in the Lincoln, Nebraska area, come, join us this Sunday, September 18th, at Christ United Methodist Church, as we conclude our exploration of “Self-Compassion, An Overlooked Christian Virtue."  Our church is located at 4530 A Street in Lincoln, and our traditional worship services are at 8:30 and 11:00 on Sunday mornings. 

Everyone is welcome and accepted because God loves us all.



[1] Kirstin Neff, Self-Compassion, The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (New York:  William Morro, An Imprint of HarperCollins Publishers, 2011).

[2] Neff, 23-24.

[3] Neff develops these three core components in Part Two, pp. 39-106.

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