Brené Brown, an
American professor, who has studied shame in American culture, observes that “shame
is an unspoken epidemic in our culture.”
Further, she claims that men and women experience shame differently
because of differing cultural expectations.
Women find themselves in a cultural web of “unobtainable, conflicting
expectations” of who they are supposed to be.
Shame manifests itself as not being able to measure up to this
impossible standard. Alternatively, for
men, shame occurs whenever they are perceived as being weak.[i]
Shame is paralyzing and deforming.
It prevents us from becoming the strong, joyful, flourishing persons
that God intended. Brown elaborates by
noting that shame is highly correlated with addiction, depression, aggression,
and eating disorders.
But, where do we find this
personal courage to open ourselves up to vulnerability in order to demolish
that debilitating shame?
My reflections this weekend will be grounded in John 7:53-8:11. This passage is usually known as the story
about “the woman caught in adultery.” It
begins with some Jewish religious leaders who bring a woman caught in adultery
and make her stand in front of Jesus. They
ask Jesus if he agrees that the woman should be stoned to death for her sexual
indiscretion, as called for in the Hebrew law. The scriptural passage
makes it clear that these Jewish religious leaders are using the adulterous
woman to set a trap for Jesus. For them,
this woman is nothing more than a pawn in a theological chess match with Jesus.
When Jesus finally responds to his interlocutors, he says: “Let anyone among you who is without sin be
the first to throw a stone at her.”
Slowly, one by one, beginning with the eldest, Jesus’s theological
opponents dissolve back into the crowd and slink away. Eventually, the only person before Jesus is
the woman caught in adultery. With all
of her accusers gone, Jesus says to the woman, “I do not condemn you, either. Go your way and from now on do not sin again.”
It’s hard to over-state the guilt and shame which the woman caught in
adultery must have felt, within that historical context. It’s conceivable that as she stood before
Jesus this woman was stoical—or, even defiant.
However, I think that when most of us try to imagine this scene, we
picture the woman as sobbing hysterically and perhaps even physically quivering
in fear and humiliation. We can barely
imagine the relief and joy that she must have felt, when Jesus forgave her and
offered her healing from her brokenness of shame and guilt.
But here’s the thing: Jesus
offers us the same forgiveness and healing in our brokenness of shame and
guilt. Through our Christian faith, we
should be able to tap into this love and healing which Jesus offers to us. Over thirty years of ministry, I have noticed
that the person whom many of us have the hardest time forgiving is ourselves. Yet, regardless of what we have done or who
we have become. Regardless of how despicable
we have been. Regardless of how far
short we have fallen from being the persons whom we aspired to be. Jesus is willing to forgive us. Jesus was willing to die for us. So, if Jesus is willing to forgive us, then
just perhaps we can find a way to forgive ourselves, as well.
In her research into shame, Brown has discovered that a tripartite
cocktail of secrecy-silence-judgment fuel shame. The antidote to this lethal cocktail,
according to Brown, is empathy and the ability to share our vulnerability. Interestingly, Brown claims that the ability
to be vulnerable is “our most accurate measure of courage.” For Brown, vulnerability is not weakness;
vulnerability is strength. Brown claims further
that vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.
As persons of faith, Christians have a special source of strength to be
vulnerable. We know that even when we
are vulnerable, God still loves us and watches over us. Through his life, ministry, and crucifixion, Jesus
provides a model of how vulnerability can be a form of strength and
courage. Through his resurrection, Jesus
provides the ultimate guarantee that no matter what happens we will prevail
through God’s love and care.
By tapping into God’s love and care, we can become our own best
friends. Through our faith, we can
banish shame and guilt – and we can become strong, joyful, flourishing
persons, just as God intended.
Come, join us this Sunday, September 14th, at Meriden United Methodist
Church, as we explore further what it means to be our own best friend. Our church is located at the corner of
Main and Dawson Streets in Meriden, Kansas.
Our classic worship service starts at 10 am on Sunday mornings.
Everyone is welcome and accepted because God loves us all.
[i]
Brené Brown, “Listening to Shame,” TED
Talk, available online at http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame?language=en,
accessed 4 September 2014.
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