Ø What kinds of relationships does God intend for
us to have and maintain?
Ø What kind of relationship-partner does God
call us to be?
Ø How can we be faithful to God in the manner
that we live out our relationships?
Whereas last weekend we began the series by exploring family
relationships, this Sunday, September 7th, I want to concentrate on the
relationship between friends. In his
book, Nicomachean Ethics, the Greek
philosopher Aristotle explores the concept of friendship in great depth. In his analysis, Aristotle identifies three
different categories of friendship:
1. Friendship based on utility. These
friendships arise because both persons get something out of the
relationship. For instance, two business
owners may cultivate a friendship because they depend upon one another’s business
in order to be successful in their own business. Their friendship may include things such as occasional
social activities together, remembering one another’s birthdays and
anniversaries, and small gifts or cards at Christmas time. Yet, the grounding for their friendship is
utility—what they get out of the relationship.
For instance, if one business person decides to retire, then the friendship would
dissolve.
2. Friendship based on pleasure. In
these cases, friendships arise because the two persons derive joy and pleasure from one
another’s company, based upon each other’s looks or wit or some other quality. For example, we might say to ourselves, “I
must invite X to my Halloween party because she always tells funny stories and
we will all enjoy ourselves, if she comes.”
3. True Friendships. For
Aristotle, there was a decided superficial quality to the first two types of
friendship, which led him to propose a third type of friendship that we might
call, “true friends.” True friendships
contain the first two types of friendships.
In other words, true friends are mutually beneficial to one another and
they bring each other joy and pleasure, as well. Yet at the
same time, there is a deeper, more enduring dimension to true friendships. For Aristotle, true friends bring out the
best qualities in one another and they help one another to be good persons and
to develop a virtuous character.
Even though Aristotle lived at a different time and in a completely
different social context, I have always appreciated his analysis of
friendship. True friends are more than
flatterers. They are honest and
sometimes they tell us what we need to hear—even though it’s not what we want
to hear. True friends are also loyal. That is, they remain faithful to our
relationship, regardless of how badly things are going for us. For Aristotle, there is a complementarity in
true friendship, where each friend makes the other one a better person.
One of the best
examples of true friends is the story of David and Jonathan in the Bible. Their story occurs in 1 Samuel. Jonathan is from royalty; he is the son of
King Saul, who was the first king of Israel.
By contrast, David comes from a much humbler family background. Yet, David proves to be a great warrior. We first meet David in 1 Samuel 17, when he saves
the day for the Israelite Army by defeating the Philistine giant, Goliath, in
hand-to-hand combat. After the
Israelites rout the Philistines, David joins the army. Over time, he rises to the rank of General in
the army. During this same time, David
and Jonathan develop a deep friendship, which would meet Aristotle’s criteria
for a true friendship.
Jonathan’s father, King
Saul, has a love-hate relationship with David.
On the one hand, Saul really appreciates David’s fighting ability and
his leadership skills. With David as
their leader, the Israelite Army becomes very successful, winning battle after
battle. On the other hand, Saul feels
threatened by David’s success. During
the victory celebration after one battle, for example, the women sing:
“Saul has killed his thousands,
And David his ten thousands.” (1 Samuel 18:
7)
Over time, I believe
that Saul becomes mentally ill. His
mentally illness manifests itself in sudden outbursts of extreme violence. By 1 Samuel 20, David has begun to fear for
his life, and he shares his fears with his friend, Jonathan. At first, Jonathan is skeptical of David’s
concern, but eventually Jonathan begins to wonder. The two friends decide to check out David’s
concern with a sort of experiment. David
decides not to attend a major festival, which he would normally be expected to attend. If King Saul notices his absence and
questions where David is, then Jonathan is to explain David’s absence as the
result of a family commitment.
At the festival, King
Saul does notice David’s absence and he asks where David is. When King Saul hears Jonathan’s explanation
of David’s absence, he becomes extremely angry.
At the same time, King Saul sees through his son, Jonathan, and
perceives that Jonathan and David are colluding together. This causes King Saul to also become angry
with his own son. He tells Jonathan, “For
as long as the son of Jesse [David] lives upon the earth, neither you nor your
kingdom shall be established. Now send
and bring him to me, for he shall surely die.” (2 Samuel 20:31)
In his heart, Jonathan
realizes there is some truth to his father’s words. If he lives, David will ultimately become
king instead of Jonathan. Yet, Jonathan and
David are true friends. So, instead
of betraying David, Jonathan actually helps him to flee from King Saul’s wrath—even though
the act of saving his friend means that ultimately Jonathan will never become
king himself.
As noted above, the
story of Jonathan and David is a perfect example of true friendship as
understood by Aristotle. The two friends
are fiercely loyal to one another; they are honest with one another; and they
make each other better persons. But, the
relationship between Jonathan and David has one other quality, as well. The two friends are willing to make
sacrifices for one another—even to the point of being willing to sacrifice
their lives or, in the case of Jonathan, a willingness to sacrifice the
opportunity to be king. Going beyond
Aristotle, I would argue that sacrifice can be an important element of true
friendship—provided that the willingness to sacrifice is mutual and for a
higher good.
Come, join us this Sunday, September 7th, at Meriden United Methodist
Church, as we explore further the qualities that help us to be true friends. Our church is located at the corner of
Main and Dawson Streets in Meriden, Kansas.
Our classic worship service starts at 10 am on Sunday mornings.
Everyone is welcome and accepted because God loves us all.
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